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- Law of Cat Inertia
- A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force — such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.
- Law of Cat Motion
- A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.
- Law of Cat Thermodynamics
- Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.
- Law of Cat Sleeping
- All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved, and as comfortable as possible for the cat.
- Law of Cat Pill Rejection
- Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.
- Law of Cat Composition
- A cat is composed of Matter plus Antimatter plus It Doesn’t Matter.
- Law of Cat Energy Consumption
- Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible.
- Law of Obedience Resistance
- A cat’s resistance varies in proportion to a human’s desire for her to do something.
- Law of Rug Configuration
- No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long.
- Law of Cat Obstruction
- A cat must lay on the floor in such a position to obstruct the maximum amount of human foot traffic.
- Law of Cat Magnetism
- All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.
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